|
"WHAT
TO TALK ABOUT"
Specific Topics for Discussion and Instruction
"THE
GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING"
Some facts and thoughts on Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
"BUT
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO"
Eight great cheap dates that don't require having sex to be
a good time
"SEXUAL
WISDOM" by Richard Wetzel, MD
What we need is another sexual revolution.
"WHAT
PART OF 'NO' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?"
How to say no, without hurting their feelings.
"PREGNANCY
101"
Some Startling Facts about Teen Sexuality & Pregnancy
"YOU
GOTTA TAKE THE CAR FOR A TEST DRIVE BEFORE YOU BUY IT"
Why "Marriage First"?
"CHASTITY
BELTS AND OTHER METHODOLOGIES"
Strategies to remain abstinent until marriage.
"SELF-ESTEEM
IS THE KEY"
Building self-esteem in your child
"WHY?
GOD"
How does God fit into my decision about sex?
"NOW
THAT'S FUNNY"
Some of the best abstinence slogans we have ever heard
 |
"WHAT
TO TALK ABOUT"
Specific
Topics for Discussion and Instruction with Your Kids |
When
it comes to children they should be told the least amount
of sex trivia and the greatest amount about the necessary
connection between sex and love.
Good
sex education starts with the Golden Rule. "Do unto
others as you would have them do unto you." Parents
should teach children how to apply it in their relationships
with the opposite sex.
 Let's
not forget about the Silver Rule as defined by Richard Wetzel,
MD. "Behave as you would have others behave".
For example, when a child is unsure how to act in a certain
situation, the child should consider how he or she would
want someone he or she respects to act. As another example,
if a teenager is at a party where pornography is being shown,
he or she should consider how parents or other respected
family members would act and follow that example.
Parents
should teach children the holistic approach to sexuality.
Teach that sex has a role within a relationship, not instead
of a relationship.
Parents
should alert their children to the great ignorance among
their peer group regarding the core issues of sex, in particular
among those who are sexually active. Parents should explain
which issues are trivial and which have substance. For example, some young people equate sex with love. This is not the case and is a matter of substance. Another reality vs. fantasy issue is that of the frequency of sexual contact in a healthy relationship. The reality is that sex constitutes just 2% of a married couples time together.
Since
most of the people a person dates will eventually marry
someone else, parents should advise their children to treat
the people they date as they would want someone else to
treat their own future spouses.
Parents
should teach their children to say "no" by the
way they act and dress, and by the situations they allow
or don't allow themselves to get into - use of alcohol and
other drugs, arousing forms of entertainment, the wrong
peer group, secluded dates, etc.
Parents
should emphasize morality and virtue.
Parents
should teach their children that the term "safe sex"
is a misnomer!
Above
all, parents should communicate with their children. Talk,
talk, talk, and talk some more.
Download
a printable .pdf handout of "WHAT
TO TALK ABOUT" (requires Adobe Acrobat
Reader, a free download).
*Don't have Acrobat Reader? Click here
for instruction. |
Back
to Top
|
"THE
GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING"
Some facts and thoughts on Sexually Transmitted Diseases
(STDs) |
- Although
anyone, of any age, can become infected with a STD, teenagers
are particularly vulnerable because of a lack of information.
- Yes,
you ABSOLUTELY can have a STD, even if you do not have any
symptoms.
- A
condom offers little protection against STDs and in fact,
in some cases such as HPV (Human Papilloma Virus), offers
no protection at all.
- Yes,
you ABSOLUTELY can contract a STD through oral sex.
- Not
all people with a STD will have an outward sign of infection.
Therefore, don't assume your partner is not infected just
because he or she doesn't have symptoms.
- If
you find that you have put yourself in a situation in which
you could have been infected with a STD, have yourself tested
immediately.
- Even
STD infected people with no outward sign of infection will
infect others.
- Get
tested for STD's at your local health department.
Some
symptoms of STDs:
|
In
Women...
- Discharge
from the vagina
-
Itching in the genital area
-
Bleeding between periods
-
Burning with urination
-
Odor from the genital area
-
Pain with intercourse
-
Pelvic pain
|
|
In
Men...
-
Discharge from the penis
-
Pain and itching inside penis
- Pain
in the testicles
-
Burning with urination
|
|
|
|
|
In
both Women & Men
-
Rectal pain and discharge
-
Body rash
-
Genital sores, rashes, abrasions or bumps
- Swelling
of the lymph nodes
-
Mouth and throat sores and lesions
|
|
|
There
is really no such thing as "safe sex", abstinence
is the only sure way to avoid contracting an STD. See our FAQ page for symptoms specific to the most common STD’s.
Back
to Top
|
"BUT
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO"
Eight great cheap dates that don't require having sex
to be a good time |
One
way to avoid finding yourself in an unwelcome sexual situation
is to avoid activities that put you and a potential sexual
partner in a time and place that makes it all too easy for
sexual activity. Instead use a little imagination, adopt
the right attitude and have some fun with these ideas:
 RETRO
CLOTHES SHOPPING - with a preset budget, cruise through
as many thrift shops as you can in one afternoon, searching
for that wonderful or wacky pair of pants you can't live
without.
CLAY
PLAY - head to the hobby store and buy a big block of clay
and a couple of sculpting tools. Back home cover the table
and floors with a plastic drop cloth and sculpt something
wonderful together.
BAKE
A CAKE - from the box, or with your own ingredients, bake
an outrageous cake together. Better yet, have a bake off
to see which of you has what it takes in the kitchen.
THE
MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION - both of you write down a dozen
personal questions on separate scraps of paper. Roll them
up and drop them into separate bowls. Take turns pulling
a question out of your date's bowl and answering it. Each
can exercise the right to not answer one question. What
a great way to get to know each other!
PICASSO
YOU AIN'T - buy some face paint at the craft store and go
crazy on each other. Add to the fun by heading off to the
local mall together complete with your freshly painted faces.
READ
ALL ABOUT IT - pick any page of the newspaper. Circle the
words that catch your eye, and then base your activities
for the date on those words. For example, you might have
circled "crowds," "dogs," and "dairy
products," which clearly indicates a date to the mall
pet store followed by a milkshake run!
GET
BENT OUT OF SHAPE - pitch in a couple of bucks and buy the
game "Twister". No fair playing alone though -
it's you, your date and your parents.
Back
to Top
|
"SEXUAL
WISDOM" by Richard Wetzel, MD
What we need is another sexual revolution. |
There
is a story about a newspaper reporter who is taking a survey
at a busy downtown intersection. "What are the two
greatest problems facing America today?" he asks a
man who is striding rapidly along the street. "I don't
know, and I don't care," the man shouts over his shoulder
as he hurries on his way. "That's right," says
the reporter, "ignorance and apathy."
We're
still facing those same two problems today in the wake of
the sexual revolution. The sexual revolution of the 60's
was based on ignorance - misconceptions and falsehoods -
which people accepted because they didn't know enough or
care enough - ignorance and apathy.
On
the other hand, much good has resulted from the sexual revolution:
 We
enjoy a new openness today to discussing sexuality, which
has great therapeutic value; many important issues are now
"out of the closet." And now that we are talking
about them, we can do something about alleviating the suffering
they cause.
Our
society clearly needed a sexual revolution, but we got the
wrong one. We needed a revolution based on love, but we
got one based on the uninhibited pursuit of freedom and
pleasure. The net result is that we are not just "out
of the closet," but awash in misunderstanding and misuse
of our human sexuality. Now we need to reconsider how to
make sex a positive experience. There is no quick fix for
our national dilemma today. Some of the related ethical
and psychosocial problems are enormously complex and unwieldy,
but others are more manageable than they may at first have
seemed. As a start we can take the following steps toward
a new sexual revolution:
·
We need to debunk the "needs" misconception. To
live a life based on attempts to fulfill needs is enslaving.
The "needs" misconception is the most important
falsehood about sex, because it directly contradicts the
fundamental truth that all people are free to choose to
"do good."
·
We need to reestablish the priority of love and re-embrace
its behavioral extension - natural morality.
·
We need to resensitize our society to the abuse of sex.
·
We need to emphasize the nurturing of children. We have
to be concerned about our skewed values wherein husbands
neglect their wives for sake of their careers, parents abandon
their children while working extra jobs to secure material
goods and spouses use their children as an excuse to neglect
one another.
·
We need to more carefully evaluate modern technology and
its implications on human relationships.
·
We need to challenge the common wisdom of our culture. Realize
that just because someone or some agency speaks with authority
does not mean they speak with accuracy.
Back
to Top
|
"WHAT
PART OF 'NO' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?"
How to say no, without hurting their feelings. |
Many
young ladies and gentlemen actually prefer to stay uninvolved
sexually. The best way to avoid this ever happening to you
is to set down the ground rules very early in your relationship.
However, it is possible you will find yourself in a sexual
situation because you did not establish the rules early
on and/or because you do not want to reject your partner's
advances and risk hurting their feelings. So, what follows
are some gentler ways to say "no."
Above
all else, when saying "no" make sure you do so
assertively. Any hint of uncertainty in this area will lead
to continued advances by your partner.
One
technique of saying "no" is the "Broken Record"
technique. You simply repeatedly say "no" until
your partner finally gives up. You cannot substitute words
like "not now," "maybe later," "I
don't think so," etc. It will take a firm and consistent
"no" from you for this to work.
Another
technique is the "Sandwich" technique where you
say "no" between two pleasant or complimentary
comments. Something along the lines of "I really like
you, but sex is out of the question. Your stories are so
interesting, I just really enjoy spending time listening
to you."
Humor
is always a great way to deal with a tense situation. If
you find your partner pressuring you to have sex you simply
agree, but under one condition. Your partner has to call
your father or mother first and get their permission. The
thought of that will most likely put an end to the pursuit.
Fear
is not a bad tactic either. This one will work best for
girls. If a guy is pressuring you simply relate the story
of the time your dad almost killed a guy for scratching
his car. Go on to wonder aloud what he might actually do
to anyone who would damage his daughter.
Flatter
your mate by telling them you have not had sex with anyone
because you wanted to save it for them on your wedding night.
Ask
your partner if they think you are worth waiting for.
One
very important thing to remember, if you have made it very
clear that you are not interested in a sexual relationship,
and your partner continues to apply sexual pressure, then
you are with the wrong partner. A partner who will not accept
your desire to remain abstinent is not the partner for you.
Back
to Top
|
"PREGNANCY
101"
Some Startling Facts about Teen Sexuality & Pregnancy |
Kids
from all walks of life are becoming pregnant, not just inner-city
kids. In fact, every year in the United States over 1
million teens become pregnant. That means about 3,000 U.S.
teens gave birth today.
In
a movement that began in the 60s teens began to gain easy
access to contraceptives. Despite this easy availability
of contraceptives the teen pregnancy rate continued to rise
steadily until the mid-1990s.
The
early 1990s
saw the first of the nationwide, abstinence-based programs
enter our schools. Since 1991, the birthrate for young teen agers has declined an amazing 29% (source CDC).
The
number of schools allowing abstinence-based education programs
 has
increased steadily since the early 1990s.
The
teen pregnancy rate and the teen abortion rate has declined
for the fourth straight year.
Teen
pregnancy is one of the leading causes of lifetime poverty.
Pregnant teens have a very high dropout rate, usually become
welfare recipients. Most go on to be single parents and
those that do marry, more often than not, end up divorced.
Over one-third
of the 1.6 million abortions performed in the US last
year were performed on teens. It is important to remember
that abortion does not solve
the teen pregnancy - it destroys it!
It
is interesting to note that legalizing abortion did nothing
to reduce the teen pregnancy rate. Only the recent inclusion
of "abstinence only" education in our schools
has had the direct effect of reducing both the teen pregnancy
rate and the teen abortion rate!
Remember
that "self-control" is more important than "birth
control" and that "saved sex" is more important
than "safe sex."
Do
you know what they call teens who practice "safe sex"?
Parents. Most contraceptives have a high failure rate. Condoms,
even if used properly, fail between 10 and 18 percent of
the time (Warner, et. al. "Assesing condom use practices. Implications for evaluating method and user effectiveness" Sexually Transmitted Diseases. 1998 25:273-277). Other contraceptives, such as the pill, have dangerous
side effects besides doing nothing to prevent the spread
of STDs.
Download
a printable .pdf handout of "PREGNANCY
101 " (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader, a
free download).
*Don't have Acrobat Reader? Click here
for instruction. |
Back
to Top
|
"YOU
GOTTA TAKE THE CAR FOR A TEST DRIVE BEFORE YOU BUY IT"
Why "Marriage First"? |
There
are so many reasons for a couple to abstain from sexual
activity until marriage. Here are just a few:
1.
Premarital abstinence results in a married partner who
is a good lover, not just a good sex partner.
2.
Couples who live together or have sex prior to marriage
have a markedly higher divorce rate.
3.
Sex before marriage often results in unplanned pregnancies
and unwanted children. This situation can create a burden
on society and create distrust between you and your family
members.
Abstaining
from sex until marriage enforces a series of values:
·
Mutual respect - it is important that there is respect
for one another for a marriage to be successful. Respecting
your partner's reputation enough to save sex for your
wedding day is a strong indicator of your overall respect.
·
Easier to be faithful - if you can refrain from any sexual
activity before marriage, you will certainly stand a better
chance of staying faithful throughout your marriage. Let's
face it, a partner who can exhibit self-control before
marriage is likely to be one who can exhibit self-control
after marriage.
·
Reinforces responsible attitudes - delaying sexual activity
until after marriage is a very mature act. It would be
much easier to give in to biological urges; anyone who
can control those urges is proving their maturity.
·
Develop your relationship - the average married couple
has sex just twice a week. The average length of time
spent on each encounter is less than an hour. There are
certainly more important aspects of your relationship
that need to be enhanced ahead of sex.
·
Sex not related to guilt - sex before marriage can raise
issues of guilt with some individuals. There is no justification
for you to want your partner to ever have that sort of
association.
·
Bond - having a common goal, one that is a challenge to
accomplish, such as abstaining from sex until marriage
can bring a couple much closer together. Accomplishing
that goal can be a very fulfilling moment that will have
a positive impact on the balance of your relationship
together.
·
Sexual freedom - freedom from sexual pressure can allow
you and your partner to develop true intimacy.
Back
to Top
|
"CHASTITY
BELTS AND OTHER METHODOLOGIES"
Strategies to remain abstinent until marriage. |
If
you want children to practice abstinence until marriage,
it will require training on the part of the parent. Remember,
you did not train your children in table manners in one
evening, and you will not train them in sexual abstinence
in one talk. Abstinence is a lifestyle, a mind set which
takes years to develop. It is really never too early to
begin the process.
·
Talk openly with your children about your expectations for
them. Kids will generally deliver what is expected of them.
·
The earlier you start the easier for all concerned. Common
sense does dictate that the content of the conversation
be age appropriate.
·
Welcome your child's questions - in fact, invite their questions.
 ·
If your child never asks questions it will be up to you
to stimulate conversation by asking the questions of your
child.
·
Parents need to clearly state their family values. In addition,
you MUST SET AN APPROPRIATE EXAMPLE.
·
Talk to both your sons and your daughters. Both boys and
girls need to be encouraged to adopt abstinence until marriage
as a lifestyle. Just expecting girls to hold the line against
premarital sex is unfair and will be unsuccessful.
·
Even if you were not abstinent until marriage does not mean
you can not expect it of your children. Times are different,
the diseases more deadly, and the onset of sexual activity
is occurring at younger and younger ages. Mistakes you made
in the past should do nothing but encourage you to pass
wisdom to your children so that they might avoid making
the same mistakes.
·
Set the rules for dating LONG before the dating age.
·
Have a dress code and enforce it.
·
Always have a curfew for your son or daughter.
·
Know who they are dating.
·
Have limits on which rooms in the house may be used to entertain
dates.
·
Think twice about leaving your child home alone after school.
·
Wait up for your child.
·
Develop a positive relationship between parent and child.
(see
"Building Self-Esteem" for more information)
Back
to Top
|
"SELF-ESTEEM
IS THE KEY"
Building self-esteem in your child |
The
studies are in and it seems one of the major contributing
factors to the likelihood of a teen becoming sexually promiscuous
is low self esteem. In dealing with hundreds of pregnant
teenage girls through the years, I don't remember many who
had a good self-image. The profiles are almost always the
same:
·
A
lack of self-repect and self-confidence
·
An
overwhelming desire to please others
·
A
desperate need to be loved and appreciated
Basically
they are attempting to make up for something that is lacking
in their lives. It is really up to the parents to make sure
your child has a positive self-image. So, what follows are
some steps you can take to help build your child's self-esteem
and in the process you will develop a positive relationship
between you and your child.
 Does
your child know you love and appreciate him or her. Don't
assume! Do you tell him/her on a regular basis how special
he/she is and how much joy he/she brings into your life?
Do
you give your child lots of physical love? By that I mean
non-sexual hugs, pats on the back, a hand on the shoulder,
etc. When was the last time you hugged your children?
Do
you have special time each week with your child? What about
special time each day? It can be nothing more than making
sure the entire family sits down to dinner together.
When
was the last time you made your child laugh?
Who
does most of the talking when you are with your child, you
or your child? The answer should be your child.
Do
you apologize to your child when you are wrong or get angry?
If not, you should.
Do
you praise your child more than criticize? If not, you should.
Don't
ease up on the love and affection when your children enter
their teenage years. That is the time when they will need
you the most.
Download
a printable .pdf handout of "SELF-ESTEEM
IS THE KEY" (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader,
a free download).
*Don't have Acrobat Reader? Click here
for instruction. |
Back
to Top
|
"WHY?
GOD"
How does God fit into my decision about sex?
|
Throughout
this web page we have looked at sex from a physical, emotional
and social perspective. But human beings also have a spiritual
and religious side. For most people, a spiritual or religious
dimension translates to a belief in God. A recent Gallup
Poll found that 94% of America's teenagers have faith and
belief in God. Because of that, we think, it makes sense
to bring God into one's decision making regarding sexual
matters.
If
God created you, then God created your body. God also created
your sexuality and he designed it to be good. Sex is certainly
one of God's best gifts to you.
The
big question is how does God intend for you to use your
sexuality. Does God mean for sex to be used outside of marriage?
Does God mean for sex to be part of the relationship between
unmarried teenagers? How can we know what God has in mind?
A
good starting place might be your priest, minister or rabbi.
They can surely refer you to scripture that will make known
God's plan for us. The Bible surely makes reference to premarital
sex:
"Do
you not see whatever goes into a person from outside cannot
defile, since it enters, not the heart but the stomach,
and goes out into the sewer? It is what comes out of a
person that defiles. For it is from within, from the human
heart, that evil intentions come: fornication (sex between
unmarried people), theft, murder, adultery, avarice, wickedness,
deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, folly. All
these evil things come from within, and they defile a
person."
(Mark 7:18-23)
God's
teaching here is quite clear; unmarried sex is a serious
sin. That teaching would not have come as a surprise to
Jesus' first disciples who had all been raised in the Jewish
tradition. In the book of Genesis, the first book of the
Torah of Jewish law and of the Christian Old Testament,
God's plan for sex and marriage is laid out. Jesus often
reminded his listeners of this plan as set forth by God
since the beginning of the world:
"Have
you not read that the one who made them at the beginning
"made them male and female," and said, "for
this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and
be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
(Matthew 19:4-6)
Notice
the sequence of events in God's plan: First a man leaves
home; next he takes a wife; then the two become "one
flesh." The sequence is definitely not: First you leave
home; then you fool around with a series of sexual partners;
then, maybe, you choose one person to marry and settle down.
Download
a printable .pdf handout of "WHY?
GOD " (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader, a
free download).
*Don't have Acrobat Reader? Click here
for instruction. |
Back
to Top
|
"NOW
THAT'S FUNNY"
Some of the best abstinence slogans we have ever heard
|
Abstinence
makes the heart grow fonder.
Sex has a role within a relationship, not instead of a
relationship.
True love waits.
Take some advice from the Gipper and keep it behind the
zipper.
Saved sex not safe sex.
Self-control not birth control.
I'm worth waiting for.
Real men exercise self-control.
The safest sex is no sex.
Chastity: It does a body good.
Don't take the bait, just say wait.
Condoms don't protect the heart.
Proud 2 B Pure / Abstinence
Single Special Selective & Worth the Wait
Safe Sex Still Breaks the Heart
Just Say Wait - Save it for your Wedding Day
No ringy, no dingy
Your Wedding - Ultimate Foreplay
Virginity is not a dirty word.
Marriage - The United State
Sex is the end of innocence - Why rush it?
Abstinence is the new sexual revolution!
Don’t kid yourself, sex can wait.
Don’t grandkid yourself - talk to your kids about abstinence.
If
you have a favorite Abstinence Slogan please e-mail it to
us. We will post the best of them on our home page!
Download
a printable .pdf handout of "NOW
THAT'S FUNNY" (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader,
a free download).
*Don't have Acrobat Reader? Click here
for instruction. |
Back
to Top
The
printable .pdf handouts require Adobe Acrobat Reader to view
and print, a free download. If you do not have Adobe Acrobat
Reader installed on your computer, you can download it by
clicking the link below and following the instructions provided.
factsaboutsex.com
is an internet outreach ministry of the
Marriage First program of Community Services, Inc.
|
